1. Bachelor Canada is back and the standards are lower than ever!

    The only thing better than The Bachelor, is The Bachelor Canada! It’s back guys and it’s cheesier than ever-yes, it is possible. Let’s just say Canada chose a very interesting group of girls to entertain us this season. But first off, we have to discuss our dazzling bachelor, Tim Warmels. What do we think ladies? Our bachelor was born and raised in the small countryside town of Campbellville, Ontario. Oh la la. The 28-year-old entrepreneur is not only a farm boy at heart, but the plays hockey too! You are so hot Tim! Tim likes aviators, capri pants and himself. He rocks the three-day stubble and he can seriously handle a great walk along the beach.

    On a serious note though, did his lingering gaze throughout the episode make anyone else uncomfortable?  

    Now that we are done talking about how impressive Tim is, lets discuss the women. Can I just be blunt and say most of these women are not even remotely attractive? On an average trip to the grocery store I see at least 25 women hotter than this bunch.

    Natalie, the seductive French teacher, is by far the most promising contestant this season. After whipping her hair down in her intro video I thought she was going to be naughty, but unfortunately this doesn’t seem to be the case. Hey Natalie, do you really talk in your teacher voice 24/7 or is that just for TV?

    Next we have Sonia, the 42-year-old lingerie model from Calgary. I don’t have an issue with her age, but I do find the amount of work she’s had done very concerning as well as distracting. Let’s tone it down, and while we are at it, keeps some clothes on too.

    Rene-Anne, the ER doctor from Quebec seems to be full of personality. Not crazy about your dress, but hey you are a doctor right? Let’s keep you around. I have a feeling it’s going to get violent this season.

    April, you should seriously share your amazing singing voice with Canada! They would be super impressed, so would Tim! Oh wait….you already sang a song on national television? AWESOME! That definitely deserves a first impression rose.

    Lisa, our spicy world travelling red-head is rumoured to stay around for quite a while. I wonder if she will be able to keep up her mysterious act all season. Speaking of mystery, all the girls think Tim is sooo mysterious. I’m sorry but really? I think he is just a huge player who doesn’t want to get caught in lies, so he choses to keep his mouth shut. 

    Not sure what to think of the other April either. Just wow. Just when you thought Canada couldn’t lower their standards any further, they let this one on the show. So you are a Vagician AND a burlesque dancer? You may as well make your grand entrance after shooting confetti out of the limo…

    Jennifer Selinger, the joyologist, you were my favourite. It wouldn’t be an easy job motivating all of these girls during a tough evening of hitting on our bachelor, but you did it!! Good for you. Maybe one day you will meet Tim again over a coffee so you can tell him about your interesting life. I’m sorry he put you in the friend zone so quickly. You will be missed.

    Oh and we can’t forget about Kaylynn, the extremely unstable brunette with the greasy ponytail. After many tears and some serious soul searching, our crazy girl ACTUALLY managed to get a rose. Wow Tim. You continue to surprise us all!

    So Jenny, the girl with the accent. Sorry WHERE did you say you were from? I’m just a little bit confused here. Cute personality but is that not a British accent? But you are from Hong Kong? I just don’t understand.

    Rose Ceremony:

    I can’t remember most of the other girls but I seriously look forward to getting to know them better throughout the season. Making fun of attention-obsessed women who say stupid things on reality TV is truly one of my favourite things to do.

    So, after a drawn out evening with lots and lots of candles…our bachelor finally made his decision. Who will he keep around for the once in a lifetime opportunity to be Mrs. Warmels? Doesn’t that name just have a beautiful ring to it?!

    Christine, Natalie, Sechelle, Kaylynn, Jenny, Dominique, Martha, Rileigh, Burlesque April, Lisa, Rene-Anne, Campfire April, Alison, Sonya and Trisha managed to get roses…see you next week you lucky ladies. I’m sure our handsome bachelor has planned some VERY exciting dates for you.

    Not such great news for Andrea (i thought she was super cute!) Jacqueline, Jennifer, Jewel, Kelsey, Martha, Raelee (Canada’s pick & an amazing woman!) Rebecca, Riti, Sarah, and Sharan. I hope you didn’t delete your Tinder accounts!

    Maybe next week will be a surprise makeover week and Tim will be like, okay, now I see why I signed up for this. Fingers crossed.

    We have the MOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVERRRRR ahead of us guys. Be super pumped about this. 

     

  2. Episode 9 Recap: Fantasy Suites-Oh La La

    Fantasy suites baby!

    I think it’s safe to say our Bachelorette, Andi Dorfman, needs to redeem herself this week after her nightmare experience in the fantasy suite with Juan Pablo last season.

    Episode nine begins with Andi taking a leisurely stroll down the beach in the Dominican Republic, pondering her different options. “I’ve got three great choices, three very different choices. There are three different paths in front of me right now,” she tells us. Oh Andi, must be a nice life.

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    Date One: Nick

    Andi takes Nick on a helicopter ride to a private island, where they spend the day making out in the ocean. However, Andi doesn’t waste time and takes the opportunity to bring up some of her concerns about Nick’s dating history. Nothing says romantic like talking about your exes. Andi is concerned because Nick’s family expressed last week how Nick takes breakups VERY hard. Nick admits to being a mess after one split in his 20s (not leaving his house for 6 months) and to having a bruised ego after his broken engagement.

    With the exes out of the way, Nick now tries to tell Andi he loves her. However he stumbles a lot (understatement), making it very awkward for the viewers. Like seriously dude? Man up. Finally he is able to get the words out at dinner after presenting her with a storybook about their time together. Maybe he should have put a little less time into the book and a little more picking out an appropriate outfit. WHAT WAS HE THINKING? Bright red pants with a neon polo? YIKES.

    Anyway, Andi loves it all and of course and invites Nick to the fantasy suite. Nick makes it very clear he is going to “talk her ear off all night.” I’m sure that comment was for his mother and thousand siblings sitting at home watching. Smooth.

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    Date Two: Josh

    Andi meets up with Josh in Santo Domingo and they spend the day eating food, dancing and exploring the city. I think it’s safe to say I would have picked the romantic island over the walking tour, but hey, Josh didn’t know what he was missing right?

    Later Andi takes Josh to a Little League baseball field to play ball with the kids. She just can’t get over how good he is with the little ones! Aw Joshy.

    So now Andi is in a pickle because she is clearly very into Josh, as well as Nick. However, is Josh “serious about getting down on one knee?” Well I guess she can figure that out at dinner! Perfect! Josh assures her he is ready to get married and have kids. They even have cute little discussion about how they would each approach parenting. Andi seems thrilled by Josh’s responses to her tough questions and invites him to the fantasy suite. Josh makes no stupid remarks about “talking her ear off all night” and they proceed to strip down to their bathing suits and make out in the pool.

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    Date Three: Poor Chris

    Oh Chris. Andi and Chris spend the afternoon riding horses through the countryside. Romantic? Not really. Clearly not comfortable on a horse, Andi spends the day panicking that her horse is going to throw her off. Luckily she calms down just in time for a game of hide and seek. Seriously…hide and seek…REALLY?!  Yes, Andi and Chris played hide and seek in the grass. 

    So Chris is feeling great about their connection, but Andi on the other hand, not so much. Andi tells Chris she just can’t “catch up” to his feelings and she explains how her concerns are greater than just moving to Iowa. Andi cries about how her head and her heart just don‘t match up and she explains that she doesn’t want him to sit through the rose ceremony.

    Chris is clearly devastated, but like a gentleman, he tells Andi he understands and respects her decision. Aw Chris!  Next Bachelor perhaps…?

    Rose Ceremony:

    Chris Harrison and Andi have a little sit down and discuss her feelings about the men. Chris asks some lame questions (how did he even get this job?), and Andi gives boring, repetitive responses. She explains to Chris how it’s important to still have a rose ceremony incase Josh or Nick reject her. Yeah right Andi.

    To everyone’s surprise, they both gladly accept roses.

    Next week…Men Tell All. It’s going to be DRAMATIC! Just kidding, the men this season are such a yawn. I do enjoy the producers attempt to hype it up though. Solid effort team.